Four Theories on the Fate of Missing Sippy Cups

By: Jessica Azar

Thanks so much to my friend, Sarah Campbell, for letting me use this picture that she took of a rogue Sippy cup playing “Where’s Waldo” in her house.

After buying LLL yet another set of Sippy cups, only to have them go missing a week or so later, I felt compelled to ask the question, “Where do these Sippy Cups actually GO when they vanish?!” This seems to be a universal plight of parents with toddlers, so I asked my friends on social media if they had any theories on this issue, and wound up having some hilarious conversations in the process.

We all agreed that the cups could eventually be found under the bed, under the seats in the car, in the toy box, in the couch cushions…. And that sometimes they travel to more exotic locales, like say the garbage can (between the can itself and the trash bag) or inside an overnight bag that hasn’t been used in quite awhile… But they’re only found in these locations AFTER we, the parents, have already checked those spots for lurking cups. They’re like nomads… Moving around the house constantly…. And you only stumble upon one by sheer luck or when someone in the house has “sniffed it out” (More on that later).

My biggest question is WHERE do these things go between us initially looking in the spot we eventually later find them and the actual moment of capture. These are the theories that my conversations with parent friends yielded:

1) Parents are just crazy… Or so exhausted from the endless demands of parenting… That we overlooked it and the cup was there all along.
This is entirely possible in my case. I stay exhausted and pulled in so many directions by so many different people for so many different things that my mind usually only works with about a 42% efficiency rate on most days. I’m doing good to find my keys in the morning that I, myself, placed in the same place that I usually do… And occasionally I overlook those as well. Also, yes, I am half-crazy…. I willingly had four kids within five years and at that point I was only a quarter crazy. By living with and raising them, I’ve earned the other quarter.

2) There is a black hole or portal of some kind in our homes that they are attracted to that drops them off for awhile, then allows them to transport back through the same portal at a later, much smellier date in time.
If this is the case, the landing site must be where other missing objects go that mysteriously reappear later on…. Or never to be seen again… Like socks in the dryer or Jimmy Hoffa. The High Roller says that it should be called the Island of a misfit Sippy Cups… Kind of a Bermuda Triangleish sort of place…

3) Our Kids hide them and move them around just to mess with us…. Especially if there is an older sibling(s) involved.
All you have to do is read some of my early posts to see the crap my boys enjoy putting me through to know that this is always a possibility. This also could be connected to theory #1.

The Following is my favorite theory, and the one that will now stay in my mind when I’m looking for a stupid Sippy cup…

4) There are Monsters living in my house.
No, I’m not talking about the Herdmembers… I covered that in theory #2. After talking to several other parents, we decided they would be a lot like the Anti-Muppets or Sesame Street From Hell.. We’ll call them the Muppets from Elm Street (think Freddy Krueger). These are to the lovable muppets as Garbage Pail Kids are to the Cabbage Patch Kids. I’m becoming convinced that there is a Monster that snatches up half-full Sippy cups (especially ones with Milk) and either takes them to the Island of Misfit Cups for a time or just holds on to them until they’re fully ripe. We’ll call this guy the Milk Curdler, because he’s like the Cookie Monster’s evil cousin that loves rotten milk instead of cookies.

After spotting a fresh new Sippy cup that he wants to obtain, The Milk Curdler then launches them out from under a bed… Or into a toy box.. Like a bomb. It slowly emits it’s disgusting stench like a gas designed to make you barf AND bring tears to your eyes. You begin smelling it’s noxious wafts and seek it out like a bloodhound. When you find it, you think “OH! It was here the entire time! Silly me.” Then BAM! You open it and your life flashes before your very eyes. If you’ve ever opened a fermented Sippy cup, you know exactly what this smells like. It’s like Putrified Death. And I don’t care how many times you’ve been through the recovery and elimination of smelly objects rodeo, you will STILL open the cup or container to see what’s making that hideous odor. Even if you know. It’s part of the sickness of being a parent.

First time Sippy cup recoverers don’t know what they’re in for… it’s horrible. After this experience, many develop PSCT (Post Sippy Cup Trauma) and will begin to gag and shake if they see a Sippy cup of unknown age in a random location. I’m also convinced that opening Sippy cups with Putrified milk in them and then having to clean them out would work as great aversion therapy to prevent teen pregnancy. Forget “Baby Think It Over”….I have a smellier alternative that would make a teen think twice about making important choices too early. In fact, I have several…. But that’s for another post.

I don’t think we will ever really know what happens to Sippy Cups while they’re MIA… Or how they end up in the random places that no kid could place them. But at least we can laugh about it…. At least until we have to clean out the next disgusting cup.

Where’s the weirdest place you’ve ever found a Sippy Cup?

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