When I was younger the thought of going to a Scary “Halloween House” or “Haunted Hayride” scared the mess out of me. It was both an exhilaratingly fun and terrifying experience rolled all into one, and going with friends or a really cute date made for a fantastic Fall evening. Having four kids has forced me to face many of the fears I once had and realize that I don’t have to even leave my house to be scared out of my mind. Parenting and the
1) Discovering Your Kid Looking at Adult Costumes- When your daughter said she wanted to be “Minnie Mouse” for Halloween, this is NOT what you or any other sane person would envision for a 7 year old. Nope. No way. NEVER. Time to change the wifi password and
2) An Infestation of Creepy Crawlies- The dreaded note from school has been sent home: LICE has shown it’s nasty self and is has arrived at your house, courtesy of your child’s hair! These unwanted guests of the plague-variety force moms to rip every piece of fabric, clothing, and blanket from all over the house and boil them, and replace our evenings of watching TV with staring at our children’s hair and attempting to comb nits out. As if the added workload isn’t bad enough, then it’s hard to sleep because we keep obsessing with every little itch that we feel or if the ceiling fan blows our hair, worrying we have been attacked by the vermin. The movie Arachnophobia has NOTHING on a lice infestation. Kristen Mae of Abandoning Pretense illustrates the process of excavating the horrors that can swell in our child’s gorgeous hair.
3) All of The Yoga Pants Are Dirty- It’s a horror when a mom looks into her drawers and there are no clean yoga pants to be found. Many moms depend on these to be available so we can throw them on at the last minute as we rush out of the door to take kids to school. They always fit no matter how far off the diet wagon we’ve fallen and are always comfortable. They’re like our superhero capes, making all things seem possible, from sitting on the floor to change a diaper and fix a leaking pipe to walking kids into school and looking semi-presentable. When these are all dirty, bad things happen. Deva of My LifeSuckers has found herself in this situation and experiences the feelings of panic and terror that come with knowing she will have to actually put on jeans.
4) The Junk Yard Office- For Moms that work at home, or even need a spot to sit down and pay the monthly bills, an office is a godsend. While we may envision a beautiful space with a desk, fresh cut flowers and (can you hear it?!) silence, this is not the reality for many of us. When we finally do claim a place where we can keep all of our work-related necessities and chocolate, it’s inevitable that everyone else in the house will either want to occupy the spot WITH us or put all of their random stuff that should be put away elsewhere. Our little work area becomes a place that would make Fred Sanford, or Oscar the Grouch feel right at home, rather than a oasis of peace and orderly structure. Meredith of The Mom of the Year shows us the reality of her family-cluttered workspace!
5) Cleaning the Bathroom in a House Full of Boys- Nasty doesn’t begin to describe the smell and texture of congealed urine that accumulates around a toilet where several boys reside. It always comes back, no matter how well you clean it, make THEM clean it, or make them work on their “aim”. Just when you think you will walk into a clean, pee sludge-free bathroom because you cleaned it the day before, the nastiness has returned. Ashley of Big Top Family spends a lot of time ridding her boy-filled household’s bathroom of pee sludge, but at least she’s giving it hell.
6) Shattered Coffee Pot = A Rough Morning for Mom- All she wanted was that sweet. hot morning nectar that fills her with energy and keeps her from killing the little people begging for breakfast… but no. Jessica of Domestic Pirate collapses here under the weight of the impending stresses of her day, now that the coffee pot has failed her. As the coffee streams down the counter, like blood in a horror movie, the hope and willpower drain out of her. Truly horrific.
7) What DIED in Here?!- If you’ve ever driven over a spot along the road and suddenly everything smelled like death, you probably encountered eau de polecat or a dead skunk. As bad as driving through the lingering stench may be, having your pet and the air conditioning unit of your home sprayed by this foul odor is down right horrific. You can’t escape it’s nasty waves as the waft through the rooms and cling to the fabric in the house for dear life. Sarag of Housewife Plus gives us a peek at the perpetrator that gassed her home and pet recently… as he hides in the garden shed planning more mayhem.
8) The Laundry Monster- Just when you think you’ve FINALLY done all of the laundry in the house and are victoriously carrying your hard work into the family room for distribution, one of your minions flings/drops/throws another dirty piece of clothing into the dirty hamper. Or in Suzanne of Toulouse and Tonic’s case, on her shoe. It’s a never-ending battle of attrition. Think Groundhog Day, but in a much scarier tone with nasty, unidentifiable stains that just keep coming.
9) Bottles, Bottles Everywhere But Not a Drop to Drink- So you finally got the kids in bed after an insane day of refereeing and shuttling and cleaning and working, and all you want is a nice adult beverage. You open the liquor cabinet and the theme from Psycho starts blaring in your ears… ALL OF THE BOTTLES are EMPTY! At least, in my case, the bottles of SCOTCH, my drink of choice are empty, which is the same thing… because I don’t drink Bourbon. I don’t really panic until I notice that the wine is gone, too… that’s a tragedy of horrific proportions complete with screaming and gnashing of teeth.
After seeing some of these scenes it’s obvious to anyone that Jason, Freddy, and Michael pale in comparison to the horror that lurks behind the doorways in our homes. Moms know that ultimately they can survive just about anything they encounter outside of their homes after facing the terrors from within its walls.