Of Scotch and Sassy Spray


My sister-in-law, whom I will call Strong Mama (don’t mess with her… She’s a Crossfit Box owner) reported this situation back to me, and it’s hilarious (or I think it is) so I’m sharing it with you. Enjoy.

In celebrating Labor Day Weekend, my family went to my inlaws lake house to ride jetskis, swim and cookout. Our older three children, Butch Cassidy, Sundance Kid, and the Princess spent the night there, Sunday night, while the High Roller and I came home with only LLL for the night. It was gloriously quiet… And kind of strange… And so EASY. It’s crazy when “ONLY” having a wild toddler with you feels like a vacation, because you’re used to handling the insanity of four kids. But I digress. Their aunt (Strong Mama), uncle and two young cousins were also spending the night. My inlaws are saints that love having everyone around… I hope to develop that approach to life over time….

According to Strong Mama, the kids were all playing nicely before the fussing and yelling started. She was taking care of her newborn and listening to them play, when my niece, the Gymnast, who is LLL’s age, and Sundance started telling each other to “shut up”. My Sister-in-Law stepped in and got onto them for being ugly to each other (probably more nicely that I would have done) when the Princess piped up and said that they needed “Sassy Spray” for talking like that.

Behold the Sassy Spray... My Kids RUN if they See me reaching for this bottle

Behold the Sassy Spray… My Kids RUN if they See me reaching for this bottle

In our house, Sassy Spray is slightly diluted apple cider vinegar in a squirt bottle, and when the older kids have been either saying ugly words, talking back or making bodily function-type noises with their mouths, they get a squirt or two of it in their mouths, swish and spit. Yes, I’m well aware that my kids (my boys, in particular) will engage in “bathroom talk”, but I don’t want to hear it, and I better not find out that they’re talking that way around other adults, because they’ll be dealing with me. It’s a respect and propriety hangup that I have. Sassy Spray helps ALOT when I’m diligent about correcting them for verbal offenses… And obviously I need to crack back down on them. Anyways, Strong Mama was puzzled by the term “Sassy Spray” and asks them what in the world they’re talking about. Sundance replied, with a smarmy smirk, “Mama drinks Sassy Spray everyday, and she still says ugly things when we are in trouble!”.

Without missing a beat, the Princess gave him an irritated look, sighed, and said “That’s not Sassy Spray she’s drinking, Sundance… It’s Scotch.”

I die. And NO I have never punished my kids by squirting Scotch in their mouths. Because they might like it and that would be bad. Plus, I don’t like to share.

I don’t know whether to laugh because it’s hilarious, be embarassed that my child called me out for having a daily (non-behavior-impairing) Happy Hour, or proud because she knows what I like. At any rate, I never know what these people will say, and that makes life a whole lot funnier.

I’ll keep pouring myself a Scotch in the evenings, and giving them a shot of Sassy spray when they deserve it. Let’s just hope I don’t get the two mixed up. For my sake.

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